here's the thing

The best way to teach is to live by example. How is anyone going to believe what you say if you are not living it yourself? Why are people so easily led astray from that thought? (Witness, a billion people buying a DIET book by Dr. Phil. Does that guy look healthy to you???)

However, you can live your life amazingly and be a shining example to those around you, but unless you are constantly getting out there and meeting NEW people to be an example, I think you will always fall a little short. You will always feel like something is missing, that you are not doing enough. Because you aren't.

You can't stay wrapped up in your little world and expect to make a drastic change to the world around you. I know that now.

but that's not how it was for me...not completely

I enjoy watching movies with a happy ending. I love the ones with a heartbroken girl/guy who meets a new person and then is given the chance to blow off their ex when suddenly that person wants them again. And as the audience in those stories, we all can see how this new person is really the better relationship. And that's great and all, I wish I could feel that I will have that same sort of happy ending. Really. And I do believe that my life WILL have a "happy ending", I do.

But as far as seeing the ex as a "bad person" or the relationship being "all wrong"....it's been seven months, and I still don't see that. I mean, I see that things went bad, but mostly for things we were each doing independently, which of course had an influence on the relationship, I won't deny that. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not seeing it? After seven months, you'd think I would be able to see more clearly or something. I dunno.

I don't really know where I was going with this.