destined for greatness?

I just had a thought. That perhaps the reason I am not "thrilled" about my former's new "relationship" (see that? I even put it in sarcastic "quotes") is that I had always kinda had this feeling that I was holding him back. Because I could see the potential for greatness in him. To be a formidable force for change in this world. He had a tendency to be lazy, though and I fed right into that. I think I imagined that if we ever broke up it would be because he would be moving on to more enlightening things leaving me behind. I'd almost made my peace with that possibility actually. I didn't want to keep him to myself. I knew it would be amazing to share him with the world.

But we both fell into the "trap" of domesticity as our relationship progressed. We were spiraling downwards towards something neither of us wanted. Unable to stop - not sure how to change course. So instead we crashed and burned. And what I thought would just be a strong re-boot. For BOTH of us, individually AND together. I had hoped that this would be his moment, his moment to be "free" and to pursue with vigor anything he had let fall by the wayside while in a relationship with me. And I feel like he still has that inside. That he still has that desire, that potential...but instead of going out and seeking it, allowing it to come to realization, he's biding his time in the exact same manner as he did for the last 4 years. (At least that's what it seems like to an outsider) And based off some of his emails, I don't think I am completely off base.

What I hope for him -and the world that could benefit- is that he finds it. The drive. And fully lives up to his potential. Someday at least.