Update: 30 While 30 List

Gosh, I turn 31 in just over a month, and I haven't really done nearly as many things on my list as I would have liked. Heck, I never even finished writing the list! I still have 10 more things to add to the list! But here is an update, with what I have accomplished off the first third, and the second third of the list:

1. get my photos into albums of some kind - I've finished my high school album, still need to start on the college photos
2. sew corsets i designed for my friend's birthdays
3. pay off credit card - DONE!
4. schedule first laser hair removal appointment - I bought the Groupon for it, I just need to schedule the appointment!
5. work out a plan to dive with the great white sharks somewhere by 2013 - Well, I know the where: Isle of Guadelupe, and I follow the Great White Adventure Diving on Facebook. It looks like 2013 will be the year, in August or September
6. Get my new portfolio website up and running - DONE! www.lmldesign.com
7. skydive - I did the metaphorical equivalent by quitting my nice, safe, comfortable job. Does that count? :)
8. learn to play an instrument
9. write a song and record it
10. sew myself the purse I want

11. find a place in the city/urban area to live - working on that one right now. I will be moving sometime next month
12. start/maintain a blog about what vegans eat - I started it! I try to maintain it with some regularity, but...
13. Get food pictures from calendar framed and hung up - I did this! One of those projects that was taking up space. I just needed to find the right frames and get it done.
14. make vegan flan
15. Host a vegan brunch
16. Get the perfect "first date" outfit
17. Read classic novels regularly - more or less. I have a book list and have been working my way through it with trips to the library. I have The Grapes of Wrath out right now.
18. wear black and red dress out in public
19. hot air balloon ride
20. taylor bridesmaid dress (from Jessica's wedding)

I suppose it's not a bad list, but I have a feeling it's more of a "Things to do before I'm 35" list. And I am ok with that! :)

30 While 30 List

I have begun writing a "30 while 30" list. Since recently turning 30, it has occurred to me that perhaps "when I grow up" might never happen...so what am I waiting for? Some of the things on my list are just things/projects that I have never made a priority to finish. Others are things I said I'd do when I got a "real full-time" job. Still others are things I have been saying I want to do "all my life" or "before I die" and, at 30 I wonder what else I am waiting for to make these dreams/wishes come true. Then of course are the creative pursuits that I have been too scared to open myself up to. Now's the time! Carpe Diem!

The first third of the list:

1. get my photos into albums of some kind
2. sew corsets i designed for my friend's birthdays
3. pay off credit card
4. schedule first laser hair removal appointment
5. work out a plan to dive with the great white sharks (somewhere) by 2013
6. Get my new portfolio website up and running
7. skydive
8. learn to play an instrument
9. write a song and record it
10. sew myself the purse I want

Veggisaurus

This post was written in response to a writer's block question posed: Have you ever changed your eating habits for a relationship? What lasted longer, the relationship or the habits?

Today's writer's block is actually prompting me to write something. I had tried being a vegetarian of my own choice my first year in college. I was away from home and could make my own choices about what I ate. I, however, didn't change my diet so much as just leave meat out of it. I ate a lot of bread and cheese and gained a bunch of weight (the freshman 15 if you will) When I got home that summer, I stayed vegetarian and also joined weight watchers. I still hadn't done the research on a healthy vegetarian diet, and I only had what was available in my parent's house to eat. I lost weight, but my mom hounded me constantly. When I ended up in the hospital after getting my wisdom teeth taken out (a slew of reasons added up to that visit) my mom basically told the doctor to tell me to start eating meat again. (This doctor was on the Adkins diet himself, mind you).

Fast forward about 5 years later. I am in a relationship with my best friend. He's been a vegetarian since he was 11 for moral/ethical reasons. He never seemed bothered by my meat eating. We were in a relationship for over a year (partly long distance while I was back living with my parents after college) when he was talking about his vegetarianism and what it means to him. We never brought up the subject of my own meat-eating...but it was like seeing it in a whole new light. He felt so strongly about not eating animals. How could he be in a relationship-in love, with a person who did that every day? I decided to secretly stop eating meat. I say secretly because I didn't want to make a big announcement of it - I just wanted to try it out. See how I felt, see if I wanted to do it. (I had, in fact, thought about returning to that way of eating after I moved out of my parent's house, when I had more control over what was in my own home, food-wise). Three weeks had gone by and I felt great about it. I made the committment to that lifestyle and never looked back. I did more reading this time. My boyfriend and I moved in together and we had a completely vegetarian kitchen. I loved being in charge of what groceries I bought and what was available for me to eat. I made up dishes for us. I love to cook. About a year and a half to two years later, my boyfriend decided to go vegan. I was familiar and though I knew it was probably right in my heart - the old me could not fathom giving up cheese. But, I had vegan cookbooks to learn new things to make us, and to give vegan baking a try. To my surprise, I prefer vegan baked goods! (not to mention, you can eat the batter guilt-free because it doesn't have raw eggs!)

I rarely drank milk anyway. We had only had it in the house for recipes. We switched to soy milk and then almond milk. I started buying cage-free eggs for me. (Which I usually only made when I was alone in the house for an occasional breakfast sandwich). I would eat vegan (mostly) at home but would eat dairy & eggs elsewhere. I had a slew of new cookbooks that I loved and more knowlege on how to eat a plant based diet healthily.

That boyfriend and I didn't make it. We broke up. And I think my family expected me to embrace hamburgers again. But, this wasn't just for him. It had been for me, and what I wanted/felt was right. Right after the break-up I think I *did* rebel a little and had an awful lot of pizza. Of course, it made me feel gross and gain a lot of weight. I decided to turn my life around. Started exercising regularly, eating better. I started losing weight. I read a book called "Fit for Life" when I got to the chapter that discussed dairy, it really hit home to me just how gross a concept it is. Where it comes from, the scientific breakdown of what it consists of. I realised that in my heart, I knew if I was in this for the animals, I had to let go of their by-products as well. I had been holding on because I knew it would be an inconvenience and "burden" on my family and friends. I decided right then and there, that I could no longer eat animal by-products. I cared too much about my own health and the well being of animals to let OTHER people's opinions make my choice for me.

That was well over a year ago. I haven't looked back. (Except the occasional drunken episode where I really miss pizza or cheese fries. But, I remind myself of how gross I believe it is, and it gets me over it.) These days, there are so many decent substitutions out there, there is no excuse to still perpetuate a lifestyle that is not only abusing animals, but the environment and our own bodies as well. Interestingly enough...I find myself having an issue being in a relationship with someone who still consumes meat. Even though I was a meat eater dating a vegetarian in my first relationship. I'm just not as interested in someone who eats meat. I wouldn't want to share a home with someone - the grocery bills, the cooking responsibilities, etc. But I also wouldn't want to be with someone and force my way upon them, or have them change "just for me". They'd have to come to it on their own terms.

a review: 2009

I was recently posturing about how my life has so drastically changed in the last year, and I was told I should make a list and write down all the things that have changed...let's see if I can do it:

Where I was:
I was about 20 pounds heavier at this point last year
I was betrayed and heartbroken so much so that I had to drug myself just to get to sleep

Where I went:
I moved into my own apartment by myself for the first time
I started my own business with a friend
I became part of a network marketing company to share health and well being with my loved ones and friends
I pushed myself beyond my normal limitations and in so doing met over at least 30 new people this year
I went out on a date
I stood up for myself
I gained confidence and became comfortable in my own skin
I added about 4 more people to my "people I've kissed" list
I fit into my "skinny jeans"
I wore a dress out in public I never had the guts to wear before
I became an aunt
I threw a kickass party - with my parents!
I learned to put my faith in the universe to lead me where I need to go
I went on a religious retreat seeking answers I had always been to lazy to pursue in the past
I healed my heart

And those are just the really big things I can recall at the moment...It was a great year

We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion...

Here's a secret for you. Though it seems I have changed a lot in the past year. I really haven't. Not REALLY. I'm still making the same excuses, still going through the same motions. Still bogging myself down with the same stuff that has always kept me busy. Still unsure of what my true passions are.

But you know what? As I was driving home on this cold, rainy afternoon, from a job I don't really like but everyone keeps telling me how thankful I should be that I even HAVE it....I was struck with a desire to keep driving. I want to not live my life in fear. I know there are things I want to do, but why is it that I never seem to really DO them? I always make the same excuses. Mostly that there is too much going on and there is never enough time. Time for myself? Am I really not that important? If I had all that time, would I really do all those things I claim I would do if there were more time? I always seem to distract myself.

So what if I took away all the so-called "distractions" could I, would I? With no one around, would I listen to myself? I am envisioning something. Me, putting all of my art supplies in my car and taking off. I have a place I could go. It's warmer there than it is here. And if it were just me there, it would be a quiet retreat. I would wake up every day, and exercise my body and mind. I would feed myself the food that would fuel my creativity. And I would create. I would listen to music and I would make art with my emotions. I would pull together all of the things I want to to make my life move in the direction I want it to. No more excuses. Just me and time. No internet with it's shiny to distract me. No parents telling me I should be doing something one way or another. No friends saying come party here, come party there! No obligations but the obligation to be true to myself.

Would I make it worth it?

too much time on my hands

even though I am getting more attention, legitimate attention than I ever have before in my life....I still find myself lingering on thoughts of you-know-who. I wonder why that is?

In case you were wondering...

yea. it still hurts sometimes.