roots or wings?

I struggle with the desire to both "settle down" and "roam free". Right now, I am kinda living in some limbo between the two.

Sometimes I feel like I would like a more permanent residence. Somewhere I know I am going to live for awhile so that I could put time and effort into making it a "home". I could decorate and update it as I see fit and make permanent changes to my living space. I could paint murals, build shelving...I could have a garden out back and a growing collection of indoor plants.

At the same time, I don't want to be tied down! I don't want to invest in a residence when an opportunity might arise elsewhere that I want to pursue. I don't WANT to spend money on home repair or spend my days doing yard work. I like being free, I want all of my belongings to fit into one vehicle!

At the present moment, I have more stuff than could fit in one vehicle and flit from apartment to apartment. Sigh...

it's getting better all the ti-ii-ime...

And then every once and while I DO have a bad day. It's true. I have been go, go, going and things have been more than amazing for me in my life right now. But I still have my down days. Perhaps because I haven't transitioned fully into what I know I can be, perhaps because there is still something I am clinging to, I don't know.

But I know that I feel better and have better days when I follow what I know in my head to be true: healthy eating, meditative thoughts, superfoods, exercise. It's only when I let myself stray from that path that I have these down days...

And yet, I still keep straying from the path. I'd say, "I'm only human" but I find that a pathetic excuse with no real justification to it. What a cop out.

the real updates

what my status updates might look like if I was brutally honest:

xx: misses making out

xx: wants to quit her job and live each day to the fullest for a change

xx: needs to buy a vibrator

xx: wants to hang out with nudists some day

xx: wishes there wasn't so much mindless shit in the world

xx: IS bothered when you eat meat and shove it in her face (figuratively speaking) but why would she tell you that when you ask whilst doing exactly that

xx: is late for work because she took some time to pleasure herself this morning

remember:

"mr. organge flip-flops was right: you ARE just as fabulous as you were then. Maybe more."

yea. It's true. :)

here's the thing

The best way to teach is to live by example. How is anyone going to believe what you say if you are not living it yourself? Why are people so easily led astray from that thought? (Witness, a billion people buying a DIET book by Dr. Phil. Does that guy look healthy to you???)

However, you can live your life amazingly and be a shining example to those around you, but unless you are constantly getting out there and meeting NEW people to be an example, I think you will always fall a little short. You will always feel like something is missing, that you are not doing enough. Because you aren't.

You can't stay wrapped up in your little world and expect to make a drastic change to the world around you. I know that now.