We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion...

Here's a secret for you. Though it seems I have changed a lot in the past year. I really haven't. Not REALLY. I'm still making the same excuses, still going through the same motions. Still bogging myself down with the same stuff that has always kept me busy. Still unsure of what my true passions are.

But you know what? As I was driving home on this cold, rainy afternoon, from a job I don't really like but everyone keeps telling me how thankful I should be that I even HAVE it....I was struck with a desire to keep driving. I want to not live my life in fear. I know there are things I want to do, but why is it that I never seem to really DO them? I always make the same excuses. Mostly that there is too much going on and there is never enough time. Time for myself? Am I really not that important? If I had all that time, would I really do all those things I claim I would do if there were more time? I always seem to distract myself.

So what if I took away all the so-called "distractions" could I, would I? With no one around, would I listen to myself? I am envisioning something. Me, putting all of my art supplies in my car and taking off. I have a place I could go. It's warmer there than it is here. And if it were just me there, it would be a quiet retreat. I would wake up every day, and exercise my body and mind. I would feed myself the food that would fuel my creativity. And I would create. I would listen to music and I would make art with my emotions. I would pull together all of the things I want to to make my life move in the direction I want it to. No more excuses. Just me and time. No internet with it's shiny to distract me. No parents telling me I should be doing something one way or another. No friends saying come party here, come party there! No obligations but the obligation to be true to myself.

Would I make it worth it?