Happy New Year

I have never been good about making new year's "resolutions". Maybe it's something about calling them "resolutions" that makes them more likely to be broken. Instead I like to make a "to do" list for the new year. I think you can have a new beginning any time of the year it strikes you, but there is something to be said for flipping open a new calendar or writing a new year after the date on everything. I like new beginnings. Everything is fresh and the possibilities are endless.

This is how I feel about this new beginning. I have some time to myself to really focus on starting this new year off right. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish in the new year. Mainly, I want to find my passion in life and pursue it with all of my being. This may seem like a lofty goal to some, but I think it is the most important thing ever, and I should have tackled it a long time ago. I have a good feeling about this year though. It's going to be a good one, and I am finally focusing on my own happiness and what I want out of life. It's a good place to be. Not that it's always a bad thing, but I have a habit of putting people over myself and not tending to my own needs and wants. I am not going to neglect my friends and family, but I do need to start thinking of myself and my own happiness. And not their idea of what makes me happy.

A big part of this is finding my happiness from within, and not rely on outside factors to MAKE me happy. Which I think has been my problem in the past. To define yourself and your happiness by what job you have or what relationship you are in. Granted, I don't want a job that is emotionally taxing and zaps you with negative energy. But the job you do is just a means to pay your bills. Especially when you are in the position of establishing a career or making a place for yourself as an artist.

This year is about embracing happiness and going with the flow. I am ready for it. Bring it on.

never as it seems

I imagined that this time of year, while it is usually hard for people in a recently broken relationship, would not be hard for me. As my former was never jazzed about all the family time and stuff this time of year requires. I love spending the holidays with my family - but a part of me wishes sometime to have a nice quiet holiday the way I would do it myself. And I am not even sure how exactly that would be. But I know it would be very different than what we do here in my family.

But, despite havinga crown of people to fill in any empty spaces that might have been otherwise obvious - I still managed to miss his presence. I suppose it's only natural, as he was such a big part of my life for several years.

This year, the new year, 2009...I have great hopes for. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish, things for myself. Things I let slide in the past year. Get back to my roots, the heart of the matter, get back to what I love. I feel excited and confident that I will reach my goals. But, I can't just wait for things to happen, for opportunities to come along. I have to MAKE them happen...make sure I open the door wide with welcoming with opportunity knocks. And I plan to do just that.

what I want

Someone...
...who laughs and cries about life with me
...who hates sports-watching as much as I do
...who is moved by great music of all kinds
...who stops to look at the moon
...who doesn't mind the silence
...who is able to admit they could be wrong
...who can talk about life in a passionate way
...who knows there are more important things in the world than a fat steady paycheck
...who knows how to make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world
...who appreciates art
...who respects me
...who isn't afraid to call me out on my faults
...who loves animals so much, they won't eat them
...who doesn't smoke
...who exudes sexiness
...who, if, confronted with Milla Jovovich and a sexy situation -would call me so I can come join in!
...who can appreciate the silliness in life
...who can appreciate the beauty in life
...who would push me to be the best that I can be
...who has a passion in life that makes their eyes light up like a child's when talking about it
...who can appreciate beauty in a person of their same sex
...who is honest
...who will dance with me
...who knows that jewelry and flowers and expensive gifts are not the way to my heart
...who doesn't have a sexual history the size of a novel
...who I feel absolutely comfortable being myself with
...who would rather give children in this world a loving home than pass on their seed
...who believes in equality for all
...who likes to read (intelligent books)
...who prefers warm temperatures to cold
...who yearns to travel
...who is comfortable with their own sexuality
...who will always help another in need

these things and more....