sole mates?

Recently I have been thinking of our society's view on relationships. Socially, we are geared toward partnering up and getting married. It's easier for married persons to adopt, easier to get loans, easier to buy a house, get health insurance through each others employers, the list goes on and on. Then there are the medical implications: if something happens to you - only FAMILY members can get information. Family includes spouses. Which is especially helpful if you are an only child and have said medical problems when you are older and your parents have already passed...and there IS no other family besides a spouse.

It's hard to get by being a single individual. Housing prices in safe areas are higher than one person's average salary could afford. As you age, those around you put more and more pressure on you to "find someone" and "settle down". Everyone pairs off anyway - you might as well do it too. Most people get so involved in their spouse and children that their friends, the important people who where there for the good and bad times before the spouse and kids came along, get left by the wayside. Sure they keep in touch but few and far between. Life just gets so BUSY, you know?

I've looked at all the relationships in my life right now..all my different friendships and we all share different things with each other. If I need one thing I go to one friend, another friend gives another kind of support. It's pretty common. So why should we so readily believe that we can find just ONE person to marry who will give us everything we need? That's a mighty large order to fill - and it's quite unfair to both parties. Who needs that kind of pressure? And yet, that's what our society encourages. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

So, how does one person buck the trend? How do you get out of relationships exactly what is best for both parties when everyone else around you is falling for the one man/one woman routine?('Cus, let's remember - we don't allow "the gays" to marry in this land).

The "Pursuit" of Happiness

So often we don't listen to ourselves. We ask everyone else around us, even total strangers for advice on our own lives. Are we so crippled that we don't even know how to talk to ourselves?

I'm trying to talk to myself after years of the silent treatment. I have ignored my own self in the pursuit of what I thought was supposed to be important. In the end, all you have is you...so you better like that person.

All too often, we say if we just achieve X, Y, Z...THEN we would be happy with ourselves and love that person that we are. I say, you love yourself NOW and be happy with who you are NOW and you will become that person. This is not to be complacent with who we are and the lives we lead. Oh no, we are in an ever changing cycle of becoming someone new. As is everything around us. I am not the same person I was five years ago, five months ago, five weeks ago, five days ago, five hours ago...even five minutes ago. Literally and figuratively speaking. My cells are ever changing in my body, and my thoughts are ever moving.

By thinking I want to be different, I AM different. By thinking I want to change something in my life, I HAVE changed it. It's just a matter of the physical catching up to the mental. You can't be unhappy because you haven't "reached your goal" yet. You HAVE reached it, just by thinking it.

Be happy in the now. Make your decisions on what makes you happy NOW. Do not confuse instant gratification with true happiness either. Don't make excuses. Really look deep and to the core and ask yourself what would make you happy. And then do it. Don't let fear and doubt enter your mind. Just BE.

The Green Monster

The big trend these days is "going green" -- well, I plan to go "un-green" as in, rid myself of that green monster called JEALOUSY.

It occurs to me that jealousy is perhaps this country's (I speak for my own country since I am not familiar with others) biggest disease. And it's completely self-inflicted. And completely curable.

Think about the things that bother you in life: in your relationship, in your job, in your family life. At least for me, when I really rip things down to the center a lot of the unrest comes from jealousy.

I think that a lot of people out there have confused love with jealousy. If you truly TRULY love another person, you trust them completely and their happiness is essential to your own. There is no room for jealousy in that equation. It should be that way with everyone you love...not just someone you consider yourself in a 'capital R' relationship with.

Now that I have finally had this break through - I hope I can hang on to this, and remember it, and not fall victim to other people telling me it's OK to have jealous feelings. It isn't OK. It shouldn't be "natural", it shouldn't be "deserving", it shouldn't be "totally justified"; those are excuses!

Let's see if I can remember this epiphany and carry it with me. It won't be easy. My mind has been ingrained to think this way - and people around me will be fully supportive of any jealous habits I have because their minds are also ingrained to think that way. It's a hard habit to break...

But they say recognising and naming a problem is the first step to solving it. And I aim to be on my way.

Republicans for Voldemort

I really don't understand Republicans. I just DON'T. And I have a couple of friends who are Republican...and we've talked at length. I just. don't. get. it.

A clip from Mike Huckabee's speech: It is not above John McCain's pay grade to grasp the simple fact that human life begins at conception, and he is committed to protecting it.

I get it, I do. But it seems to me that Republicans only want to protect a life and that persons rights as long as they are not gay, poor, a criminal or an infidel. I mean really. If you respect life, you have to respect it on ALL levels. You can't go around claiming to be PRO-LIFE and then encourage the DEATH penalty. You can't claim to be PRO-LIFE and encourage a war that kills thousands of innocents.

In all my discussions, Republican conservatives just come off as un-caring self- centered assholes who don't want to take responsibility for any of their previous actions. "Save the innocent unborn babies - but fuck everyone else"

My own Nature vs. Nurture

I'm currently fighting the struggle to figure out what the difference between happiness and instant gratification is.

There is a big difference between the two. At least, I think so. A person seeking happiness in life is a lot different than a person who does drugs to escape the struggles of life. Yet sometimes "living in the present moment" seems an awful lot like instant gratification. Do I want something now because it will truly bring me happiness? Or do I want something now because I THINK that there is happiness in it?

Maybe there is no difference at all.

I keep reading blogs on how to live a simple, happy, uncluttered life. They make a lot of sense to me. To understand my motivations for doing the things that I do. To realise that I am making the choices in my life - and if I am unhappy, perhaps I need to make different choices. Or, if I am unhappy I need to realize the motivations behind my actions - to realize that something I am doing might not bring me "instant gratification" but it brings me true happiness.

Like my job for example: I seem to be unhappy at my job. And the obvious action would be to quit and find something new to do. However, I keep the job I have so that I get paid every few weeks which allows me to do things in this life that DO bring me joy: creating art, going out with friends, making food...So, in reality I just need to change my way of thinking. It's true what they say: happiness is a state of mind. My job doesn't force me to do anything. I choose to go there every day because having that job allows me freedom in other areas of my life I DO enjoy. if I remember this perhaps I can be happier with my job.

At the present moment, I think I have let social stigmas get the better of me. I allowed myself to get roped into a lease that is more money than I really need to spend. However, I don't really care in what I live as long as it's in a safe neighborhood. The fact of the matter is that they don't have leases for shitboxes that are in safe neighborhoods. They like to keep the "riff raff" out I guess. I can't change that until my current lease is out - so why should I dwell on it for the next few months. Better decision next time I say. Learn from your mistakes. I've also let THINGS get in the way of my happiness. Happiness does not lie in the clutter around me. My stuff is starting to own me, instead of the other way around. I am working to rectify this situation. But it's a process, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself as I'm going through it.

Now, on the toughest part of this: I believe that if you love someone you should make sure they know it. If you cherish someone, spend time with them. Because you never truly know how much time you have left with them. My four and a half year relationship just fizzled. And not for any of the "normal" reasons people generally break up. And, typically, I have distanced myself from this person believing that to be the "best thing" for myself at the moment. But, quite frankly, I am miserable. This was my best friend...I love this person. Just because a typical, capital R relationship didn't work for us - why should I cut them out of my life completely? If I listen to the simple, happy, living advice (and my own thoughts) I would spend time with this person and continue to at least have a friendship with them. However, am I only wanting this as "instant gratification" to assuage the ultimate pain in my heart and void in my life?

I just don't know. And I worry that it will pass me by as I am sitting here wondering.